Never!!

I've got to stop uttering and thinking the words "never."

The list of the things that were on my "I would never do" list keeps getting smaller and smaller.

No, I don't actually have a written down list.

It is more of a mental list of things I KNOW I've said I would never do.

The list is actually not big, as I tend to be more on the adventurous, open mind spectrum.

For example, I said I would NEVER drive a bus (huge van).

I also in high school said I would NEVER marry an asian (don't ask me why I said that.  I think it is because I didn't know a lot of asians at that point and I honestly didn't find them attractive.  Now I think my husband is the most attractive man on the planet).

I also said I would NEVER have more than 2 kids.

I also said I would NEVER have kids closer than 3 years a part.

I said I would NEVER live in the town we live in.

I said I would NEVER go to church in this town.

I said I could NEVER leave my kids for more than a week (in 2007 God asked me to leave my kids for one month to take care of Kody in Ghana.  I did.)

I'm a bit nervous about something I know is on that list, that I won't share here =)
(In re-reading my post, I don't sound very open minded at all =))

Another thing I said, is that I would never me leave my babies under one for more than a couple of nights.  It honestly feels like almost everything I've said never to, God asks me if I trust Him, and asks me to do it.

Next week Sam and I are "supposed" to go to California for 4 sleeps.  We are going to spend a couple of days at the Orphan Summit (where we will be hearing Francis Chan speak - awesome), followed by a couple of days of hanging out in San Diego.  I'm not sure what made me think I could do that, leave my baby (Lillyana) for that long.  Although all along I've never been clear on whether I would actually leave her, or if she would come with us.  Sam's parents were going to come to take care of all seven of our jewels - yes they are SUPER HERO GRANDPARENTS.  Truly, we are so thankful for them.  They live about 2.5 hours from our house, and live a really full life of ministry, yet they seem to be watching our kids about 1-3 times still within the last few years especially.  We do wish we had grandparents in town, but despite that not being our reality, we are so thankful for the time we have with them.

Sam's dad has been having heart issues (serious ones) and is looking at having heart surgery here within the next couple of weeks within a month.  He still needs to decide what kind he is going to have, one having much more risks.  So as of Monday of this week it was questionable as to if we would be going at all, on a minimal level we would be bringing Lillyana as Sam's mom was going to come by herself.  Lillyana is also at that stage where she cries on anyone who is not mom or dad.  I've had total peace about it all, if we would be going or not.  Sam's mom though has been very firm on that the agreement was that she would watch all 7 kids, including Lillyana.  So God has been working in my heart, asking me do I trust Him.  I do trust Him, BUT my heart still does not want to leave my baby =(  I know though from praying through this issue in the last couple of days, that if it does work for Sam's parents to come come (meaning there is no scheduled surgery for next week), that I am SUPPOSED to leave my baby.

God has been bringing to my mind all those things He in the past has asked me to do that I haven't wanted to do ... and how He has been faithful.  He WILL TAKE CARE OF MY BABY.

I know on the bigger picture, it is sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo GOOD and NEEDED for Sam and I to get away as a COUPLE.  I know the opportunities are far and few between.  I know that with me going back to work in September it will be that much more difficult with our schedules being that much more busy.

I know we need this time away.

I know I need to leave my baby.

I still don't want to.

BUT I do trust my Father.

And I am fully confident in Sam's parents, whether it is one or both of them.

Today we got an e-mail from Sam's dad saying that he will be coming with Sam's mom ... not sure fully what means except that it LOOKS like we ARE going.

(P.S.  When hiking this past weekend, Lillyana fell asleep ... such a precious and tender moment ... I LOVE those moments.  I actually LOVE every baby moment).

THANK YOU FATHER, that you ALL of the details of our lives already taken care of.

THANK YOU FATHER, for Don and Jane!