There is so much I could talk about ...
although at the same time my brain is completely tired ...
and today my heart is especially sad as I'm missing my baby.
It is so great being here. The TCU staff is amazing, all of them, and it is especially "cool" to have Dr. Purvis and Dr. Cross "hanging out" with us so to speak during the training breaks and lunches.
So much money, time, and effort has gone into TBRI (Trust Based Relational Intervention), it really is mind blowing. Yet simultaneously what God is doing through TBRI is also mind and heart blowing.
"One" of the things that is really resonating with me from the training so far is the idea of adoptive and/or foster parents (or really any parent) doing an attachment assessment on themselves. I think this is a piece that is missing from the homestudy process and from the pre-adoption process. The attachment style of the adoptive parent (or parent) is crucial in facilitating a healthy and secure attachment for their child, adopted or not.
They quoted a percentage (based on a study) today on that 50 plus % of adoptive moms are avoidant and dismissive parents. Fifty plus percent (I can't at the moment remember the exact percentage) is high. A parent with an avoidant attachment style is a parent who is emotionally unavailable to their child (because of their own history). This type of parent is amazing at meeting the basic needs of their child, and can be an amazing person on all accounts. They said that avoidant attached adults are often stellar citizens, in that they champion issues and needs. However when it comes to being attuned to their children and their emotional needs they fail miserably as they are not wired (because of their history) to nurture their children's hearts.
I don't know if what I'm saying makes sense ... or if I'm explaining it well enough (my brain is ready to go into cruise mode). I'm "trying" to blog for you though Anita =)
If you do understand what I'm saying though, you also are understanding how crucial and damaging a well meaning, LOVING, avoidant/dismissive parent can be as all of our adopted children come with trauma and NEED as a basic need a parent who is emotionally available to them, who can be attuned to their emotional status (recognizing it, validating it, and nurturing their emotional hurts).
It just kind of hit me today how HUGE this piece is in an adoptive family bringing home a child, and how we should be looking at our attachment style so that if we need to change our own attachment style we need to figure that out BEFORE our child comes home.
Adopting a child requires parents to change. It is not just a good idea, something that is suggested, but something that I believe is not an option for adoptive parents. We need to change not only our parenting approach, how we do life (our schedules, priorities and such), our family culture and values, we also if need be we need to change our attachment style (the way that we relate to other people based on our own attachment history).
I'll try to get back to this topic later, and maybe give some resources if anyone wants them.
Blessings from a tired and thankful mamma ... who is missing her babies!
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