It's in those moments that I so clearly hear God saying, "do you trust me? Do you think I'm still good and praise worthy regardless of what the future holds?" It's easy to say that I trust God when things are going well in life, it's another completely different thing to trust Him when things are not going well. Who we really are building our life on becomes Chrystal clear when we face unimaginable hardship in life.
I've decided that an earthly person who is good at helping me keep my focus on Jesus and Eternity is Francis Chan, so I've been listening to Him lately. Before He spoke, He challenges us to take a real deep breath (pause). Try it. That VERY breath was from God and was utterly dependent on God, as is our next breath. Chan then reminds us that God has every minute of our life here on earth already determined. Let me tell you how quickly that becomes our very real daily reality when walking out cancer. I might not get to finish writing this blog post. You might not finish reading it. What would I do differently today if I knew today was my last day. What would you do differently if you knew that today was your last day?!! Isn't that the way we ARE supposed to live!?! A life devoted to Jesus is just that, a life devoted to Jesus. Our EVERYTHING is supposed to be built around our very real and tangible faith in Jesus, not the other way around. We are not supposed to live our lives and then fit Jesus in as it seems appropriate. If you and I knew that tomorrow we would stand before the ALMIGHTY, what would we DO differently today!!?!
It's easy and human in set backs to question, to become bitter, and to feel incredibly discouraged (whatever the setback is, cancer or not). I actually thinks it's totally healthy, as long as we don't land there.
Often during those times God reminds me of His history of faithfulness in my own life. My heart is reflective and my hope gets renewed as I'm reminded of everything that God has already done in my life. It's quite crazy and awesome to think about. If you haven't done it before or for a while, I suggest it.
Some of the things that God has done in my life are huge and real obvious, while others are more subtle.
What immediately comes to mind is typhoid, yes I had it and came close to meeting my Jesus face to face. All the details surrounding it declare God's faithfulness. Next I think about Kody, and the miracle God did by intervening in his life when Kody was 1 month old. Had Kody stayed in his village even a few days longer, he would have gone to meet Jesus. Instead God used a handful of incredible people, Romana, Bernard, Heidi, George - to literally give him life. Again, so many details. I think about our oldest Bella and how within a literal weekend we unexpectently became parents to the most amazing baby girl. I think about how God United Sam and I at TWU in British Columbia, both of us traveling far to meet (Sam was living in Chicago but was born in South Korea and I was living outside of Toronto but was born in the Faroe islands). I could go on and on, the next big ones being each one of our children and the miracle of each one of their stories. And there are so many more stories of God's faithfulness in my life, as a child, as a teenager, and as an adult.
And I can't help think about Jax's story. How we were not planning Him, but God was. How we really didn't want to adopt one more, yet how God used the persistency of our children to speak His plans to us. How afraid we were when we heard that Jax's cancer had come back, telling our agency confidently no he's not meant to be ours, God miraculously changing our hearts. How just a couple of months later Jax came home with the financial partnership of sooooo many people. How God bonded all of our hearts with Jax day one. How God choose to give us this amazing, precious, joy filled GIFT that is Jax.
We found out last week that potentially there might still be cancer outside of Jax's eye, on his optic nerve. There's still a layer of "something" around a part of the optic nerve and the optic nerve is still slightly thicker in size. Jax will be undergoing another spinal tap to have the fluids tested as well as more likely will have chemo injected through his spine. Only time will tell exactly what the layer is.
Every day with our little jewel is a gift!! He's being so brave y'all and is spreading joy everywhere. I took this picture of Jax yesterday and let me tell you that him walking around independently is a mini miracle, in the midst of his new blindness and cancer ridden body. Every day we get told by a nurse that they adore Jax and that he's a special little boy. If Jax is feeling good, he loves to greet and talk to EVERYONE at the hospital!! Thank you Jesus for the sacred GIFT of Jax!!!
Blessings ya'll!!
💙 Maria
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Kathy Robson