Thinking back brings back many memories!
I remember the day clearly, like it was yesterday, the day we got Faith. I had actually been in the hotel lobby before they brought her up, and I had gotten a "glimpse" of her there. I remember running up to our hotel room telling Sam, "I think I just saw our little girl."
I clearly remember the day they put her in my lap, and she cried and cried and cried and cried! I finally was able to get her to stop crying by giving her a fruit roll up! We had arrived in Nanchang about an hour before, and we were still trying to get settled! We had Matteus and Bella with us, so you can imagine the whirlwind!! God SO protected the trip though ... despite Matteus being just 1 (he turned one in Beijing two days previous), Bella being almost 4, and Faith being almost 3 (although more like a 1-2 year old) ... it was an amazing trip! God totally used Bella especially to calm our very scared Faith, all of Faith's first smiles and laughs being with Bella!
Matteus was taller and heavier than Faithie was, and Matteus was 12 months old and Faithie was 33 months old - and Matteus was always in the 50%th percentile for weight and height for his age! Faithie's size was such a clear reflection of the care she had received in China, in the VERY poor and rural orphanage
I also clearly remember the moment God said, "how about the little girl with the sad eyes ... how about her ... go look at her picture again ... she is meant to be yours. AND I remember how I kicked and screamed in my heart, "NO, I only want to have two children God ... you know I can't handle more God!" I was laying down trying to escape the heaviness on my heart that we were meant to have a 3rd child and that she was to come from China! Matteus was only 6 months old at this point and I had spent my whole life up until this point dreaming about the life I would have being the mommy to ONLY TWO children! I had it all figured out I thought as I had told SOOO many people, "I am not having more than 2 kids!" I have as long as I can remember always felt a CALLING to work with at-risk and hurting kids and having more than 2 kids did not make sense to me, I felt I could not be an AWESOME mommy and keep on working with more than 2 kids! God obviously had a different plan, WOW I am SO THANKFUL that I did not listen to what my mind was telling me back then and that I instead choose to trust and OBEY the direction God was taking our family on! If truth be told I was not being obedient with a joyful spirit and I really had to FORCE myself to take each step that was required to bring Faith home! But eventually I gave up the fight, and I LEAPED off the bridge and TRUSTED God's direction!
And I remember the first year and a half home (plus), how HARD it was ... ohhh, her screaming and screaming ... and my uglies in return instead of patience and gentleness! I remember me also still screaming in my heart, "God, this was NOT what I signed up for ... and I thought I told you I wanted only two and then you give me one who literally came kicking and screaming!" AND then after SOME time God healed not only her heart, but also mine ... and WE BONDED and WE ATTACHED!!!
Our trip in China really was very protected, despite having a one year old (Matteus), a two year old (Faith), and an almost four year old (Bella) with us for two weeks in China. The days once home were hard, and really got harder as the months went by.
I knew the right things to do with Faith, I had had lots of training in attachment, but quite honestly I didn't follow what I knew to be best for Faith. We expected too much from her, on every level. We picked battles with her, that got us no where, except into a battle of the wills with a three year old (that really had the emotional level of a one year old).
Faith entered our lives with lots of trauma from spending the first two years and 11 months of her life in a highly institutionalized neglectful orphanage. Faith was very afraid most of the time during the first couple of years, but instead of us viewing her behavior with this lens, we instead failed miserably at providing Faith with what she really needed.
One battle that we picked with Faith was food. In hindsight I think we had zero flexibility when it came to food, we expected her to eat what our other two ate. This could be it's own blog post, all to say DO NOT PICK THE FOOD BATTLE. You will loose and you WILL cause damage to your child's attachment to you, and yours to them.
As a result of the enormous amount of neglect that Faith experienced, she entered our lives literally kicking and screaming. Although if truth be told I feel like Sam and I did the exact same thing, we in our own way threw our own tantrums. I had told God I had only wanted two kids, and so I had in faith trusting Him to adopt a third, and He had given me one that was spending hours of her day screaming ... He had told me to adopt the little girl with the sad eyes, and I had, yet it had not turned out the way I was hoping ... I was bitter and disillusioned ... my life looked NOTHING like "I" had planned.
I got into an emotional "pit," with God, myself, and with Faith. I got stuck in behaviors that were not helping her, me, or anyone. I ignored all of the things that I KNEW and instead got focused on me, and me being the parent in "control."
PRAISE THE LORD that God in his faithfulness and grace did not leave me as I was, and He did not give up on me. After about a year I read a book called, "Spotting the Sacred," by Bruce Main (who is the director of Urban Promise, an amazing inner city ministry that I adore, and spent two summers at as an intern in college). God used that book to wake me up to what He was doing in my life and Faith's life, and it was the "beginning" of a healing process that took years, in both Faith and me.
It is hard for me to put a time frame on HOW LONG it took both Faith and me to fully attach to each other. Although I do know one thing for sure, she got there faster than I did. The other thing that I also know for sure, is that I am NOW fully attached to our Faith (I think for me, it happened about 3 years in). I really could cry thinking about it, and am having to fight back the tears as I type this, but if truth be told I ADORE MY LITTLE GIRL.
She truly, with all sincerity, is one of my heroes.
When I think about everything that she has lived and has had to endure, it leaves me feeling broken yet also so full of hope. When I think about everything that she had to leave to come and be a part of our family, it leaves me humbled at the ease of my own life yet also so encouraged at her courage. When I think about that she has gone through 9 surgeries, as well as living the first seven years without the hearing aids that she so desperately needed, I feel so completely inspired at her resilience, determination, and passion for life. When I think about how she never gave up on me as her mom and now so adores me, I feel so undeserving, yet so honored, and so completely loved (by her and by my Heavenly Father).
Faith is amazing ...
Truly ...
And I am so completely thankful that "I" get to be her mom!!!
THANK YOU JESUS for our little girl!
THANK YOU JESUS for the miracles you have performed in both her life, and my life throughout the last six years!!
THANK YOU JESUS for intervening in both her life and ours, and for giving us the SACRED GIFT of Faith six years ago!!
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