God clearly tells us in John that we WILL have trouble. I know this scripture by heart, yet still when trouble comes my way my, it hits my heart hard.
"In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world."
John 16:33
At the beginning of this past year I made some new year's resolutions, like I usually do at the beginning of each year. One of my goals was to "press in to Jesus" more. I don't think I will make that be a goal again as this year has been extremely hard, and the opportunities that I've had where I've HAD to press in are too many too count . Before the summer it mostly revolved around my own precious jewels and their trauma and struggles - and now it is mostly around the precious jewels that I work with at school and their losses, abuse, and trauma ...
Sometimes the trauma of the jewels I work with becomes unbearable. Some of the stories I honestly don't even know where to put in my heart or brain, as the levels of trauma are really unimaginable. I have been telling some of my friends lately that I need to go to counseling, just to help me process all of the trauma that's been imposed on me. This week brought yet another major loss for one of my work kiddos, a student I've worked with since he was in kindergarten. Neglect and drug addiction are a fairly normal combination in my world, but it's impacts never become normal. This week I had to tell a little guy that the person who has been like a mom to him passed away in an accident.
Sometimes I question why I do what I do, in terms of work. It can be an insanely busy and stressful job, which is what it looked like most of September at work, and it leaves me spent with not much left to give. A friend walked me through the fact that I needed to have more balance in my work schedule, and how I needed to have lunch breaks and planning time built in, or I will burn out. I listened and have felt the effect of her wisdom. My work does feel more balanced this week.
God also gave me a GIFT through one of my students who last Friday so very genuinely told me, "thank you Mrs. Hansen-Quine for working with me and helping me with my family." It was just the exact words I needed to hear - and I praise my Father for using this little girl.
As this little girl left my office she also said, "I can tell you really love Jesus." I honestly don't remember ever specifically talking to her about my faith as I work in a public school so I asked her why she said that. And she said a few things one of which was, "well you have to, to do this kind of work." Such WISDOM from an elementary school student not even in 4th grade yet. I gave her a hug and told her that I indeed do love Jesus.
My heart has been numb since yesterday's death, and I've struggling with God, in terms of how to process and work through this loss. God brought me to John 16 and John 14:27. God is the giver of PEACE, and it is a peace that neither the world nor anyone in the world can give. I'm hanging on to that peace today, and to the HOPE of John 16:33 for a situation that seems hopeless. And I'm thankful for the "word" that He gave me last week through one of my students, and the support and help from one of my best friends which helped me be more readily able to deal with the crisis yesterday, and it's impact that will continue for days and months ...
As I walk this trauma out with this family, my heart will be anchored in the Author of Peace ...
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