Surgery Day!!

Faithie is in surgery right now!

I just carried her in and held her as they put the mask on to put her under! I should say as they tried to put the mask on to put her under! As this is her 8th surgery she is anything but unaware of what is coming next, and is not on any level thrilled about it! So she resisted with tears and trying to take the mask off!

I left the room a bit teary eyed, her amazing and wonderful surgeon asking, "was that one of the hardest things you have ever had to do?"

In all honesty, it was HARD and it breaks my heart ... yet I would have to say the last couple of months were harder!!

****************************************

Matteus was sooooooooo sweet with Faithie this morning! He has these toys that are wooden pieces, that he can manipulate and build things with! Well, Faithie wanted to play with them and he did not want to share them :) (he had them first)! But then he went on his own to his room and built her something for her to take with her to the hospital to her surgery! When we got to the hospital, Faithie told me she wanted to bring the toy Matteus made instead of her very well loved best friend "sheepie!" Precious ...

***************************************

Although surgeries are HARD because I know they are hard on Faithie, physically and emotionally ... I do leave every surgery feeling that much more thankful that Faith is my daughter and that I get the sacred priviledge of being her forever mommy!

********************************************

In all honesty, at times Faith challenges me to the point of total frustration and feeling totally overwhelmed ... and in all honesty the attachment and adjustment journey that we have gone through together with her is actually one of the hardest thing I have ever done! Adoption of toddlers and older children I do believe should be entered in only by adoptive parents who have their eyes WIDE OPEN to what lies ahead! There are struggles and challenges INHERENT in the attachment and adoption process of this age group ... it WILL be a difficult process ... I strongly believe in taking any and all adoption and attachment courses ... and reading everything you can ... I do believe the perspective and heart of the adoptive parent is so powerful ...

**************************************************

I feel like we owe it to our new adoptive children to be as prepared as possible! If we truly want to be the best mommy (or daddy) then why wouldn't we go to every available course, read the most reccomended book ... In the end if we are not PREPARED adoptive parents, the person who ends up getting the most hurt is our new child ...

***************************************************

Yes, we did do this with Faithie (my background is clinical social work, so it kind of comes naturally to me to read this kind of information) ... we knew what to expect, we knew that her "behaviors" were more testing and part of the attachment/adjusment process versus defiance ... we knew that the negative feelings we were having were a norm and part of the process for most adoptive parents ... we knew that her struggles had little to do with us and so much more to do with what she had already lived .... (I could go on and on) ... yet the struggles with Faith brought out ugly things in me, character traits that need refinement ... I kind only IMAGINE had we not known everything we knew ... WOW, the whole first year would have been on a magnitudinal level harder

***********************************************

Okay, I feel like I have gone on a tangent ...

Lets just say that the attachment and adjustment process with Kody has been nothing like what it was with Faith ... we can hold and snuggle and give Kody physical affection all day long and he loves it ... he doesn't resist us ... he isn't afraid of us ... we don't have to try to convince Kody to eat, he loves his bottle and any food ... and on and on ...

*******************************************

Really though, all to say ... :)

I am SO completely THANKFUL for our amazing daughter Faith!

And although I wish I would have done things differently with Faith when she first came home and in the first year ... I wouldn't trade any of the difficult ...

Surgery days remind me of that ...

Surgery days remind me of her sweet, courageous, and wonderful spirit!

Surgery days remind me that I have been given a SACRED GIFT and a SACRED PRIVILEDGE ... I get to be Faith's forever mom! I get to LOVE on Faith every chance!

******************************************

What a gift ... that I get to be a mommy to not only Faith, but also Kody, Matteus and Bella ... typhoid has made that even that much more precious and sacred ...