Carpe Dieming ...

We have had AMAZING weather lately which really feels like a gift meant just for me from our Heavenly Father!!! Okay, I know I know ... everyone in this part of the country is probably feeling the same way!! I am someone though who gets filled up simply by being outside ... We have the most amazing view of a couple of the (many) surrounding mountains from the front windows of our house ... and I absolutely LOVE it!! It is such a HUGE reminder to me of GOD, who He is, His faithfulness, and how He feels about ME!!!

It is LOL funny to me that I have been telling people that I am trying to enjoy the "lull" of having ONLY "4" kids :) Maybe it is funny only to me ... I just thought I would NEVER in a million years be saying that!!! This though is what I'm "trying" to do ... I'm "trying" to CARPE DIEM as a mommy in this yet another wait ... to bring home our sweet, fun, smart, amazing, ... and beautiful waiting DAUGHTER!!!

I soooooooo look forward to the day that the 5th set of pitter patters and contagious laughter that I hear throughout our house in my head ... actually WILL BE!!!

I am READY to be Ella's mom ... to take on the blessings and difficulties that I believe are inherent in the attachement and adjustment journey that lies ahead!!! Romantic ideals that I perhaps held 10 years of what it would be like to adopt a toddler or older child are gone!! I am SOOO aware of the struggles and the intense feelings that I KNOW lie ahead for me ... feelings of perhaps regret, feelings of feeling completely overwhelmed, feelings of feeling completely drained!! Yet despite of my very real reality ... I am sooooooooo ready for this next chapter, and this next journey! I am ready to be Ella's mom!!! And although yes Ella will more likely have behaviors that will be difficult to manage ... I also realize that the struggles that lie ahead will more likely have to do more with me than with her!!

I am THANKFUL for my Father who sees the BIG PICTURE and KNOWS what is best for me, Ella, and our family!!! Despite the times where it feels easier to not think about Ella, despite the times that my feelings of wanting our daughter home are so intense that I don't think I can bear it ... I have FULL HOPE, PEACE, JOY, and FAITH that God WILL bring Ella HOME ... in HIS perfect TIME!!!!!!!!

(I can't believe our baby boy is no longer a baby ... in just a couple of weeks he will be FOUR!)