"IF it is NOT worth dying for, is IT worth LIVING for??"It is the beginning of a new year and in the last week I have been struck by the lack of inspiration in my own life for the upcoming year! In years past I usually have LOTS of goals and/or resolutions for the new year! A couple of days ago I was feeling a bit lost as to GOALS for the upcoming year and when one of my bestest friends asked me on new years eve what mine were, I didn't really have any to share!
IF truth be told, I think my heart had wandered a bit throughout the last month and I was feeling and behaving distant with my Creator and Father, hence my lack of aspirations for the upcoming year. Hand in hand with this has also been that I've been praying for direction for an area of my life ... and I'm not sure how much listening I've been doing! Although I'm very much a believer in WRESTLING though things (and questioning), at least the end result is always good for my soul as my decisions end up being a lot more CLEAR (I'm still praying)!
Also simultaneously I have a HUGE list of goals for work for this year (not by choice) ... so I think I'm already feeling like I have enough to do for this year!!! I need to renew my certification and need to take some courses (one of which is at a university level) and I have to take ANOTHER standardized test (not fun)!!
AND we are still very much in the ADJUSTING phase with our sweet Ella, this at times depleting my energy ... on different levels!
BUT I'm also someone who wants to constantly be GROWING and LEARNING ... in all areas of my life ... and I certainly have a lot of room for growth in ALL the areas of my life!!! AND SO since Friday I have been praying and reflecting on the upcoming year and my heart's vision for this year!!
I was given a daily devotional from a friend in December ... and the devotional for January 1 really sums up where I am at and my HEART for 2010! At the end of 2010 I want it to be said about me that I did the following:
"COME TO ME with a teachable spirit, eager to be changed. A close walk with me is a life of continual newness. Do not cling to old ways as you step into a new year. Instead seek my Face with an open mind, knowing that your journey with Me involves being transformed by the renewing of your mind. GIVE yourself FULLY to this adventure of increasing attentiveness to my Presence." "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." Romans 12:2 (Jesus Calling, by Sarah Young)
Then today at church we sang this very wonderful and old hymn that struck me as to my heart for 2010:
"Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart; Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.Thou my best thought, by day or by night, Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.
Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise,Thou mine inheritance, now and always: Thou and Thou only, first in my heart, High King of heaven, my Treasure Thou art.
High King of heaven, my victory won, May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heav'ns Son! Heart of my own heart, whatever befall, Still be my vision, O ruler of all."
Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise,Thou mine inheritance, now and always: Thou and Thou only, first in my heart, High King of heaven, my Treasure Thou art.
High King of heaven, my victory won, May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heav'ns Son! Heart of my own heart, whatever befall, Still be my vision, O ruler of all."
"IF it is not worth dying for, IS IT worth living for?" This is a quote from the author of "Total Abandon," and has also struck my heart. The author alongside with his wife were missionaries in Lebanon, his wife being killed by a terrorist while there! The book (a quick read) has in the last couple of days challenged me and given me a renewed perspective for 2010!! The book also references how there are two types of people: the people who talk about doing things and the people who DO! In 2010 and beyond I want to be a DOER ... for my Creator and King! I want to act as one disturbed and gloriously ruined woman!
"I believe that God is looking for some disturbed people and gloriously ruined people (in 2010). He is searching for men and women, students, and young adults who will allow him to disturb them by making them truly see the world in which we live - so disturbed that they will be compelled to do something about what they see." Dangerous Surrender, by Kay Warren!
"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world."
James 1:27
The question sometimes come up about the COST of adoption and if it is worth it as the LARGE amount of money spent on bringing a child home could be spent digging at least a couple of wells and provide CLEAN WATER for many (as an example)... I wonder how the people who ask that question (although honestly we've asked it too) would feel and think after having spent some time with the children in the pictures - one taken a couple of years back at Beacon House in Ghana and the other one taken at Faith's old orphanage in China! If you were to ask me my opinion my honest answer would be to DO BOTH!!! The beautiful girl in the middle in the third picture is our daughter Ella ... in 2009 God brought Ella HOME! The picture was taken at Ella's pray off and send of from her orphanage - the older kids in the orphanage were praying for her!!
We look in anticipation as to WHAT God will do in 2010!!!
"Sometimes I would like to ask God why He allows poverty, orphans, & all of the injustices in the world when He could do something about it ... BUT I'm afraid He might ask me the same thing ..."
In 2010 join me ... "Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of the orphan ... " Isaiah 1:17 ... aim WITH ME to live a life of a seriously disturbed and gloriously ruined person!!
(P.S. Thanks for letting me share my HEART =))
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