The other day I got my box of dolls out! Yes, I really have a box of dolls! I started a doll collection years ago, collecting dolls from all of the different countriesI travel to! I have over a dozen dolls ... =) I never did get one from Ghana though ... sigh =)
One of the dolls though in the box was a doll from when I was little! It is a doll that looks nothing like me, she has beatuiful black hair and beautiful dark brown skin! She was my favorite doll and my favorite toy that I owned! My mom had gotten her for me when she went on a mission trip! The reason why she got her on a mission trip versus where we lived, is because I grew up not only in a small town but also in a small country!!
I really think that growing up I could count on my ONE HAND how many non-caucasians there were ... not only in our small little town but also in our WHOLE COUNTRY! I am not over exaggerating! I grew up in a little country that is not on a lot of maps, way North of Scotland, and a little bit South of Iceland! Yep, I am serious!!
Now, that doll represents soooooooooo MUCH! It represents seeds that were planted in me as a little girl, seeds that have grown into so much more than what I ever could have imagined! My mom not only gave me that doll but she modeled to me who I wanted to be! My mom loved on anyone who needed loving on, my mom especially loved to love on those who were new to our country ... who were outsiders. My mom did not make her heart of outreach part of her life ... it was her life!! She taught me how to love others that maybe other people were not so interested in loving!
God often speaks to me through worship, through either providing direction, confirmation, or encouragement! Yesturday while at church, I received many pictures of encouragement while worshipping! God provided pictures of HIS FAITHFULNESS throughout my life! Often when this happens I wonder WHAT IS NEXT, as often later on the pictures become anchors during difficult times that lie ahead that at the time I am unaware of! Although I do know that change is coming, because JASE IS COMING ... at God's already pre-determined time!!! AND I do know that often with a new child, the transition that follows IS DIFFICULT!! Sooo regardless of the difficult that lies perhaps ahead with Jase I will hold on to that God has PLANNED Jase for our family, God has chosen us to be his parents, God has chosen Jase to be our son! AND that I trust ... God's plans are my anchor!
Sooo yesturday God especially reminded me of his faithfulness in our life, and in the life of our beautiful oldest daughter Bella! A couple of weeks ago we had wonderful friends from New Jersey come out and visit us! We moved from New Jersey about seven years ago and these friends had never been out to visit us! They were one of our best friends; they were friends who we did life with! They were a great source of spiritual encouragement, accountability and inspiration to us! Our time with them was AMAZING - it was like we picked up where we had left of! And when they left, we truly felt encouraged and inspired! They are people who not only own their faith but also live it out, on a daily basis! We adore them!
They are also connected to Bella's story in a very supernatural way!
For me, Bella is connected to the seeds God planted in me as a child. For me, Bella is connected to the decision I made to go to Trinity Western University (which was wayyyyyyyyyyyyy on the other side of the country)!! Of course like it seems with ALL of my big decisions, I wrested with God about it ... I wish I didn't operate that way but it seems like do! Actually even before I made the decision to go to TWU, I wrestled with my faith, and my belief in God! It was a trying time for me -- although I knew that if in the end I decided that God WAS REAL, I would have to live for Him whole heartedly, with ALL of me!
God used TWU to not only to unite Sam and I and the seeds He had planted in both us ... which later grew to passions! He also used TWU to bring us out to New Jersey! Tony Compolo came one year and talked about Urban Promise ... an amazing ministry in Camden New Jersey!! As soon as I heard Tony speak about UP I knew I wanted to go!! While I was in Camden, God planted another seed "one day you will go to Rutgers University ..."
And four years later ... I did go to Rutgers! Sam and I were married and we moved to New Jersey for me to go to Graduate School! And another three years after moving to New Jersey Bella was born and we became her forever parents! And how did we find out about Bella, through our friends who just came to visit us!
Ohhhhhhhhhh, it STILL BLOWS my mind!! IT being Bella's story! It truly leaves me speechless, on my knees, and in total AWE of our Creator!!!
All of the above details are of course completely shrinked down in size as I really feel I could write a book with all of the details of how God has orchestrated the details of my life (I'm sure many of you feel that way)! Even the pictures God gave me are tooo many and too detailed to write about here!
Actually the only ONE decision that I can think of that I did not wrestle with was adopting Bella! Perhaps it was because it happened literally within a weekend and I didn't have any time to wrestle ... although with that decision both Sam and I KNEW immediately! God gave INSTANT PEACE and direction!
Our friends coming out brings Bella's story full circle ... on many levels ...
And ohhhhhhhh I think back to the first day that we first held Bella ...
And ohhhhhhhhh she just started third grade ... Third grade ...
Sigh, tears and PRAISES for our amazing daugther who God miracleously entrusted us with, intervening not only in her life ... but also in ours!!!
It was the first week of school this past week!
And the seed that was planted with a doll and a loving mom ... has grown into five amazing jewels, one of who is in 3rd grade, another in 1st, two in kindergarten, and one who is starting to look more and more like a little boy and not like a baby ... SIGH!!! And the seed has grown into a passion for at-risk and hurting kids within our own country, and for orphans here in the US and around the world!
During my time of worship yesturday I was reminded that WHEN God calls me to do something, He WILL be faithful to take care of all of the details, which includes that He WILL take care of me! So whatever the future holds, I KNOW that more than anything I WANT to be doing WHATEVER my Creator calls me to do!
I think back to that one decision to go to Trinity ... what IF I had gone with my fears and doubts about going (I didn't have the money to go there as it cost a lot, it was a six hour plane ride away from home, AND I knew no one ... well God changed that last one, it was part of my wrestlling)!! But WHAT IF!! Do you have what IF'S ... is God calling you to "something" right now ... TRUST HIM! Carpe Diem, live life to the FULLEST without regrets ... those are my words to myself =)
We will see what this year brings ... =)
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