In my line of work I am constantly telling my older students, teachers, & parents that when someone has gone through a loss or any kind of trauma, you just don't know what can trigger the memory (or part of the memory), hence potentially triggering the trauma and/or the grief.
This can also be applied to adopted kids as they all have experienced the loss of their birth family. We adoptive parents also never fully know what our kids have lived, we simultaneously don't know what can trigger their loss and/or their grief and/or trauma... and often with kids they might not have the words to put to their trauma/grief (feelings), so instead what we parents see is negative behavior (often with either anger or sadness).
I had an unexpected moment of my own grief being triggered. At the end of an awesome Christmas eve day ... we slept in, I worked out, we all went swimming, we went to Christmas eve service, we made sushi (our tradition), watched the Nativity Story ... and then sat down for a candle light sushi dinner. It was a perfect day in my world, and as I ate my first piece of sushi I immediately felt completely overwhelmed with grief.
Sushi was what we ate in bed the day we found out that our baby had died and the day I started miscarrying. So as I ate the sushi, my heart and mind immediately went to that day.
Unlike Sam who has lost many people he loved (including his brother when he was still a kid) I have not experienced a lot of losses, so my grief process is something that is new to me.
Eduacting yourself about trauma/grief, attachment, adjustment as it relates to your adopted kids is one of the most important things you can do for your new child (children) so you can be the kind of parent that they need you to be, as all adopted children will have experienced some kind of loss/trauma.
Blessings =)
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