Tis the season ...
This honestly is always a conflicting time of year for me. It is Christmas and is meant to be a time of celebration, but too often it feels like our Christ is left out of Christmas. I'm at the mall much more than usual, buying presents for everyone I love. We try to keep things simple, but yet with all of the family we have, there still ends up being more frequent visits to the mall than usual.
My heart can't help but notice the focus on presents and stuff ...
My heart can't help but notice the absence of the reason behind Christmas ...
It doesn't sit right with my heart!
And as much as Sam and I work at trying to make Jesus the focus of Christmas ... we usually are left wondering if in fact we did. It doesn't sit right with my heart!
Combine this with that for many of the little precious jewels that I have the honor of working with, the holidays tend to not bring joy but instead triggers of trauma, or in some cases more trauma. I have to work very hard at not bringing the trauma home, and not letting it weigh down my heart ... too much! God has called me to the work I do and during times of heart break as a result of abuse, domestic violence, neglect, drug addiction ... I that much more am forced to with all of me LEAN ON HIM ... that much more! During the holidays is an especially difficult time! It doesn't sit right with my heart!
Combine this with the reality that I have seen firsthand the disparity that exists in our world with stuff and excess ... It feels like we have more than what we need, yet simultaneously children die every day from starvation ... It doesn't sit right with my heart!
AND that I have seen firsthand the reality of the orphan crisis domestically and globally ... my heart is heavy and it is hard for me to escape the thoughts of precious orphan jewels who will never know the love of a family as a result of being stuck in a country or system that does not value them ... or who are waiting for a family but will spend their lifetime waiting ... It doesn't sit right with my heart!
So for me, the holidays yes are one of my favorite times of the year ... but I have to intentionally make sure that Jesus has my heart, otherwise it might be in a million pieces all over the floor.
I just started reading a book called, Holy Fools. I want to live a life devoted to my Jesus, and not one devoted to me or my family. When the needs of this world seem to be everywhere and so in my face, I want to do more for my Jesus! I want to do more to be His hands and feet to the hurting of this world! I want to be a Holy Fool for Jesus!
Life is short. Our friend's daughter, sweet Nina, has reminded me of that reality. Nina is still at Children's ... this also doesn't sit right with my heart but I (like her amazing mom and dad) am trusting my Jesus with precious Nina and am continuing to pray for a miracle for my sweet friend's sweet daugther!
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