One of my daughters is incredibly insightful, intelligent, and an amazing communicator. So for this past weekend when I talked at Refresh, I had her help me with a couple of videos. I had a girlfriend (THANKS Carm) recommend that I make some videos to go along with my presentation. My jewels did a couple of role plays with me, and Faith did a couple of videos where I asked her some questions.
Faith had NO idea of what I would be asking her, nor did I tell her what to say. I LOVE this video because I feel like it hits on almost every element that Sam and try to implement as her parents. It hits on I think every single TBRI element (The Connected Child). It honestly still BLOWS my mind and heart that there are still adoptive and foster parents out there who either don't know about TBRI, or are not utilizing it. I'm not trying to say this in a judgmental way, nor in a disrespectful way at all. PLEASE don't misunderstand my heart. It is just that it is such a POWERFUL, LIFE GIVING resource to all of us. I say this as a mom of seven precious jewels, the wife of an amazing adopted man, the school counselor in a building of almost 400 students where I provide weekly individual counseling to about 45 students, and a private licensed adoption social worker. Again, PLEASE don't misunderstand my heart, I just feel like I've been around the block a bit. I feel like ALL children with trauma (adopted or not) need us to be trust based (which is simply put the foundation of TBRI). Families need it and schools do too. There are other people who align with TBRI, Deborah Grey being one of these people. For me actually I merge both of the approaches of both of these amazing women. The thing that I really like about TBRI is that it really makes things clear, giving us really tangible tools.
I was at a school counseling conference just last year (that would be in 2013) and there was a therapist doing a breakout on working with adopted and foster kids within the schools. I of course eagerly went, and was quite honestly hugely disappointed. His whole premise was that "these kids need us to be tough." I stayed for half of the breakout and then just couldn't take it anymore, so I'm not sure what all else he shared. To me I thought he was presenting on the complete opposite of what our precious jewels with trauma (adopted or not) need. He also didn't have much hope to offer, actually stating that not very much works with these kids. Before he even started I identified myself so he knew that I was not only a professional but also an adoptive parent. Part way through he even asked me to verify what he was saying, saying to me, "right?" And I answered, "no." He asked me how I parented then and I told him "trust based," of which he gave a blank look having no idea of what I was talking about.
A couple of weeks ago I was doing a home-study with a super sweet family who had never heard of The Connected Child nor do they have kids. The wife shared with me (after having read the book, as I require this of all of my families), that the whole approach really resonates with her heart, it seeming like an approach that is valuable to ALL children, adopted or not. I TOTALLY agree. It is how we "try" to parent with all of our jewels (still using Love and Logic too with a few of our jewels).
The thing about it though is that there are SO many elements to TBRI and in order for it to be fully effective for our high impacted trauma jewels, we HAVE to utilize EVERY intervention. My Faith makes it sound EASY and gosh I WISH IT WAS. The reality is that it is not even close to being easy, as it is fairly time consuming on some days. Faith's advise is sometimes what we do EVERY hour in our family, out of necessity.
When our Faith joined our family she showed EVERY SINGLE textbook trauma sign. Faith's healing consequently has been OFF THE CHARTS. Faith is amazing and is one of my own personal heroes. I for years felt very ill equipped to parent my daughter (don't forget this is my supposed area of education, training, and professional experience), TBRI has been life giving for our family.
May my daughter inspire you like she does me.
THANK YOU JESUS for what you do, in spite of me.
May my daughter inspire you like she does me.
THANK YOU JESUS for what you do, in spite of me.
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