I'm sitting down with an attempt to write something, with an attempt to blog, because it has been so long. The thing about it is that I actually do love to write. I find it really therapeutic for my own soul, and mixed in with that I pray that God would use my own broken journey to encourage someone else.
It honestly feels like that on most days God is stirring my heart about a multitude of things, I just feel a lack of energy to take the time to fully process them, and write them down.
I love the way that God uses "children" to teach us things about Himself. He does that for me, every day ... through my own precious jewels, and through the precious jewels that I get to work with every single day. I currently am serving about 48 students at work, on top of teaching (and ...) - you can imagine that my learning curve is huge as God also has entrusted to me seven precious jewels of my very own.
I love how God meets us where we are at. How He gives us the discernment we need for tough moments. How He gives us gentleness when really in our hearts we want to be anything but gentle. How He whispers truth and clarity when we really don't know what to say or do. How He pulls us close when we have created walls of distractions that are occupying too much of our heart where He should be occupying. When the words for prayer come for situations where there really seems to be no words. When He fills our heart with gratitude and peace in the midst of what the world might think is a crazy schedule or a hopeless situation.
I am the mom to seven children. I am the mom to seven children. I am the mom to seven children.
That is still honestly surprising to me, and a bit shocking. Not entirely sure why, perhaps because it s so different from how many kids I thought I would have, perhaps because my own conjured image of what a life with seven kids would be like does not fully match my own.
YES my life is FULL on every level. YES sometimes I am ready for bed at 7:30 at night (no joke). YES sometimes I raise my hands to heaven and ask "why me." YES sometimes one of my children is more demanding and draining than all of my other six and I want to call it quits. YES sometimes my attitude is well, let's just say not something I would want to blog about as I am not only "human" but also a fallen being and sometimes my heart attitude and behavior exemplify that. I love that God's grace for us is endless, no matter our state of mind or our state of being.
I love that God delights in us, no matter what. I love that He cherishes and adores us no matter what (no matter what we do, no matter what we don't do). AND I love that He wants to hang out with us, no matter what.
Most of my children (minus one) have this idea that they can come to me no matter what, and ask me whatever they want. There are no limits to when they can interrupt me. No situation is off limits if they have something "they" feel is an important question. I can be in the shower, I can be in the middle of a conversation with my boss, I can be taking a relaxing bath, I can be on a long distance phone call, I can be on the toilet, I can be in the middle of the last few minutes of a five mile run where I've got the speed all the way up and probably look like I'm about to pass out, I can be sitting or laying with my eyes clothing (either sleeping, resting or praying even), I can be in the middle of a phenomenal worship song where I'm worshipping my heart off so to speak ... yet they don't even in any of these situations pause to think about whether this "might not be a good time to interrupt mom." They just interrupt mom. I had one of those moments today (well more than one), and in that particular moment God said, "this is how I want you to be with me." I want you to come to me with about everything. I want you to WANT TO come to me with everything. He reminded me that there isn't a "perfect time" to come to Him as each moment of the day is available, and He IS waiting. SO YEAH I guess I want to be like my kids, and I want to non-stop without even thinking about it, "INTERRUPT" my Heavenly father. I know I'm not interrupting my Creator, but what an awesome picture to me. I love it when my Father gives me pictures.
SO HONESTLY if truth be told I LOVE being the mom to seven children. Although again if truth be told, if you had told me the details about what my life would have looked like I would have said "no way" as fear of the unknown, of the hard, of the inconvenient has this way of making me (perhaps us) not only want to run, but literally run as well. The reality about my life is that I cannot do it on my own, I need my Father to daily guide, restore, and meet me. My reality, He DOES that ... when I let Him, and at times when I'm so completely unaware of Him doing it. I love that.
Each one of my children truly is a precious jewel, a sacred gift that my Father has entrusted to me. I mean that genuinely, on a deep soul level that is difficult to fully describe.
Each one of them challenges me and makes me a better person. Each one of them has God given gifts that He has hard wired into them. I love how EACH one of us was hardwired to be a praying creature. God put that in each one of us, including each one of my children. I love how God has so clearly given me a picture of HIS BEAUTIFUL DIVERSITY within my family, not only with the different races within my family, but also with all of the different personalities and heart wirings. I love how God has used my twenty years of working with kids from hard places, how He years ago taught my heart to always look to heart of children --- as underneath even what seems like hard and aggressive shells there are soft hearts and precious Jewels created by and wired by Him. I love that I can take that perspective with my own jewels, as years of working with kids, has taught me to be on the look out for the "good" of a loving Father.
Each one of them challenges me and makes me a better person. Each one of them has God given gifts that He has hard wired into them. I love how EACH one of us was hardwired to be a praying creature. God put that in each one of us, including each one of my children. I love how God has so clearly given me a picture of HIS BEAUTIFUL DIVERSITY within my family, not only with the different races within my family, but also with all of the different personalities and heart wirings. I love how God has used my twenty years of working with kids from hard places, how He years ago taught my heart to always look to heart of children --- as underneath even what seems like hard and aggressive shells there are soft hearts and precious Jewels created by and wired by Him. I love that I can take that perspective with my own jewels, as years of working with kids, has taught me to be on the look out for the "good" of a loving Father.
And when I look ... and if truth be told on some days I have to REALLY look (as the trauma that I every day encounter in both my personal and professional life can be messy and ugly) I every time still see "good" and I see hope. I praise my Father for that.
I pray that you would also see the "good" that surrounds every little person entrusted to you, in whatever capacity.
P.S. And in case you needed to smile, as they are so stinkin adorable ;) No bias here!
Comments