I really don't know how we are going to do the next 6-8 months, logistically or emotionally. As in, no ideas. For now, I cuddle my boy and try not to think about it, but my time is up as now we need to start making plans. We need Jesus more than ever before, for our literal everything. We don't even have a slight chance without Him.
Last week we found out that Jax's cancer is now active. There were two additional tumors found outside of his eye, on his optic nerve and disk. Thousands of MRI pictures were taken, the tumors were caught in two images. We spent about 8 hours last Friday going back and forth between doctors and tests, so many of you praying for us. We heavily felt your prayer covering on this day. We had two different doctors CRY on us, that still has my heart rattled as they deal with sad every day. This is why Jax lost his vision now two weeks ago.
Additional tests needed to be done to make sure the cancer had not spread to his brain. We did these last Monday, the tests coming back negative.
Additional tests were done by an eye scientist, who was brilliant, and brilliantly kind. He quickly became all of ours favorite. He was amazing with Jax. The tests showed minimal vision, not enough to try saving. The test was done after an enormously traumatic test for Jax, this doctor was a gift as 30 minutes earlier we didn't think we would even make it to the test.
Next week Jax begins systematic chemotheraphy, and possibly radiation, a process that we've been told will take at least 6-8 months. Jax will be in and out of the hospital, so much depending on how his body responds to the chemotheraphy. Typically kids getting super sick a few days after the rounds, so much so that they need to be hospitalized (sometimes for the whole time until the next round of chemotherapy).
We live 2.5 hours from Children's and have been told that we have to stay within an hour of Children's at all times. That means Sam and I will be in a constant mode of trading off and will not be in the same place for very long. That means we will both be single parenting it, either with a sick child doing chemotheraphy, or with eight kids at home whose world has been turned upside down.
Our sweet Jax will get very sick, and will be having the fight of his life. Although in actuality, his fourth fight with cancer. We are going to need your prayer covering even more than ever before. Your prayers will be what sustains us. Please continue to pray for us. Please pray for physical protection and healing for our Jax.
Our jewels at home are being brave for their little brother, the next 6-8 months will be excruciating on them as they fight with their brother. They love their brother and are broken hearted. The tears shed have been many. Somehow they are going to have to find the strength every day to what some might think are simply go to school. There will be nothing simple about it. Trauma is huge with our jewels, my heart worries for their hearts of how this journey will unfold for each one of our other jewels. They are going to need lots of grace from others, nurturing by others, and passes from teachers on homework that their peers will be expected to do.
We don't have a lot of family support, in fact, very minimal. No one lives in town, there's no aunt or grandparents whose house any of our jewels can simply go to. There's not one family member who can just drive over to watch Lillyana and Jewlia at home, who can take the kids to school, no one. Two of my sisters have offered to come and help but they live about 13 hours away, both having kids and spouses as well. We don't know how this is going to work.
We will need to work on housing when Jax is not hospitalized, we don't know the logistics of how this will work out.
Money is already tight, we have no idea how we are going to make the logistics of the next 6-8 months work out.
Jax will be forever blind, on this side of eternity. This truly is secondary for us but will radically change his life as it already has. He will have his eye removed quickly.
Praises as we begin a journey that will make any past struggle seem mild. We have been gifted 9 amazing jewels and every day I praise my Father for the incredible gift that each one of them is. Almost 19 years ago God gave me an amazing husband, partner and best friend, and we will somehow make it through this stronger. We both have incredibly supportive jobs, for this school year I in actuality have been donated enough sick hours for me to take the rest of the year off. Sam's work has been beyond heroic of their flexibility and support, Sam still finding ways to do his job well despite the obstacles (he is amazing). We have incredible friend and church support here in Lynden and just across the border, as well as our amazing Aimee, many who have already offered to tangibly support us. If Jax had not lost his vision, the tumors would not have been detected as the MRI which caught it was only ordered because of the loss of vision. We serve a Father who doesn't leave us or forsake us. I have a Father who loves my son, and each one of our jewels even more than I do.
I have a good good Father who somehow deemed that I was worthy enough to be the forever mom of an incredible waiting boy jewel in China. A little boy who has already blessed me beyond measure. A little boy who has the most remarkable tender and loving spirit. A little boy who every day lightens up my world, even on his darkest days. A little boy who yesterday was giving his mamma tender nurturing as I couldn't control my tears but gave in to them. A little boy who is worth every minute of fighting with and for him. A little boy who truly is precious, a jewel, and a sacred gift.
As much as I have no idea of how we are going to do the next 6-8 months, as much as I feel completely overwhelmed, as much as my heart is in a million pieces, as much as we are hard pressed on every side ... I don't for a minute regret bringing Jax home. Instead I'm incredibly thankful for the gift of my son and think I'm the luckiest mom on the planet.
"Jesus we need you and are counting on you for our everything."
💙 Maria
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