Just the mere thought of packing for our 4 day and 3 sleeps adventure caused me some mild anxiety. I was talking to a friend who was sharing similar feelings about her family vacation, and then she paused and looked at me and said, "and that's just for two kids." I don't usually do the comparison game but yes, in this case, our vacation preparation was much more involved. As I'm sure was our daily details while on vacation. We hit Costco on the way up to Whistler which was the perfect thing (as well as paper plates).
We are now on our way home, and I honestly am so glad we got some time away, and that we got to come to our happiest place on earth, Whistler! And if I was really honest, I was not having happy thoughts on the way up. I was actually bitter and would easily have turned the car around. Yet, I knew we all needed fun. And I knew we needed to "carpe diem" regardless of our circumstances. Our jewels desparately needed us to.
This time away was like non other, as we have never before walked out cancer before in our family. We experienced extreme highs and lows. No matter how much we tried, we couldn't get away from our reality of all of the unknowns of Jax's cancer prognosis. It was this time exactly a year ago that we got the phone call that JAX's cancer was back. We negotiated so many unknowns then as China didn't give a lot of details. It has felt like we are negotiating the same details all over again, but this time they are reality. It's amazing what God can give us the strength to live out as I didn't think I had the strength, energy, or time for what we are walking out right now. One difference is that Jax is real to me now. He's not an orphan. He is my son and I would do anything and whatever it takes for him!!
Jax, like all the other kids, love Whistler!!! Which is so awesome!! Both Jax and Jewlia love to be outside and love to hike and bike. Mind you, they are both on bucket seats or in Ergos on our back. We still, 10 months later, keep things simple for Jax and Jewlia. We are very cognizant of all the sensory inputs and of keeping them close. They did great. This was actually our second trip to Whistler with them. It's actually a couple of our higher trauma impacted jewels that more so keep us on our toes. Lillyana also got bumped from the bike bucket seat and did a great job riding on the ride along bike (attached to daddy).
You can, maybe, imagine all the looks our family gets. Gossshh, even our suburban loaded up with our bikes gets lots of looks. We can't go anywhere without being conspicuous. Sigh. I tend to just ignore people though which is harder for the kids, who remind me that people are staring. Jax tends to get stares too. I really honestly want to declare this truth to them, "if you think my hands are full, you should see my heart." The kids are getting more used to ignoring the stares too, as it just is our norm.
The other thing about vacation for our family is the hard truth that "trauma doesn't take a vacation." Every day we negotiate trauma related struggles which quite honestly we would prefer not to on "vacation." Trauma is high in our family as is the healing that has happened within so many of our jewels, yet it still is a integral part of how we roll. So when trauma hits us right in the face, we try to view it that way versus naughty behavior.
Since Sunday, the forecast was for rain. It sprinkled a bit here and there but no down pour until literally as soon as we were in our car on the way home. I really did ask Jesus for that. Thank you Jesus.
We as a family love to hike and bike and we got to do that every day here at our happiest place!! Such a GIFT!! God's creation surrounded us everywhere we looked and it was such a powerful reminder of His goodness and careful attention to details in all of our lives!!
We serve a good good Father who can handle our big feelings and is not surprised by them!!! In the midst of extreme sadness, we can feel extreme joy. It is not something that I planned to be walking out. None of us choose the hard in our lives. Yet I choose to walk it out with my hands lifted high, and with my knees continually hitting the ground!! How can I not, look at the GOOD gifts my Father has given me. Despite that I fail every single day as a mom, He still entrusted me with these 9 amazing jewels, and a hot and kind hubby who I am just in love with as when we first started dating about 23 years ago!!!
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