It's difficult to find the right words to adequately convey my heart behind this post. Right now as I'm writing this I'm sitting on a queen bed in a motel room beside the highway, I literally can hear the cars driving by. Hundreds of people are just minutes away but I don't know anyone. My family and friends, less one, are miles away. If I focus too much on the sound of the cars they sound like noise, if I try to ignore them they sound more like a lull.
Beside me is the most adorable jewel. He's trying to go to sleep, although currently he is gently rubbing my
arm. I just returned from a visit "home," my hubby and I just trading off. Two days ago this jewel and I were at Seattle Children's, Jax having been admitted after developing an infection and a fever, as a result of having no white blood cells to fight off the fever on his own.
My precious two year old jewel has cancer. We are days away of having finished his first chemo cycle. On Wednesday Jax will have the last chemotherapy drug for this round injected. This week's Wednesday drug has very minimal side effects. I'm a mamma of a son with cancer. I'm a mamma of 9 jewels, one of who has cancer. I'm a mamma of 9 jewels, one who has cancer, who is receiving treatment about two hours away from home.
I didn't think that at the age of, almost 42, this would be my life. I didn't anticipate ever having to negotiate what we are walking right now. Honestly, it was a fear, one of those things I hoped God would never call me to.
The last two weeks, since starting systemic chemo are a blur. It's only been two weeks but honestly it feels like it has been months. So much has happened in such a short amount of time. It's been hard, messy, beautiful, over whelming, and miraculous all at once. Sometimes I'm honestly amazed that I'm still upright and not laying in a bed somewhere in a fetal position, balling my eyes out, refusing to get up. I may or may not have had moments like that.
But that's not our predominant story. Gosh, I even got two runs in when I went home this weekend (self care, check). I'm in awe of honestly how in the midst of it all, I truly feel as if we are being "carried." I feel as if we are being carried by my Father THROUGH so many of you, our village!!
We have our very own village, how cool is that. It really feels like that. People always say that when you walk out crisis, enormous loss, tragedies, you find out who your true friends are. Well, we haven't lost any friends. Instead they have risen up to stand beside us, before us, and behind us. Truly, AND they have rallied so many of you to tangibly support us on so many different levels.
The first two set of pictures are of best friends who we have known for over 20 years. We met at TWU and have remained close all these years. These four friends have been especially heroic over the past couple of weeks in the endless ways they have tangible given and loved on us. When Carm and Kev said they wanted to start the YouCaring fund, we had no idea of what they fully meant. Their commitment, time, and passion for tangibly loving and supporting us ... I'm speechless.
Here is a picture of some other heroic best friends who have equally blown our hearts and minds with the many different ways that they have given to our family, supported us, rallied for us, and loved on us. When they picked our brains about ways to support us, they really came up with all of the ideas and have given 100% of their hearts and time to follow through on these. When they talked about creating both the Lotsa site and helping with the YouCaring fund, we again had NO idea of the vision God had put in their hearts. They are our small group but also truly have become best friends in such a short amount of time, throughout the last year of meeting together.
Here is another picture of another small group I've been a part of for too many years to count. But again, I consider these friends my best friends. And again their support (and that of their spouses) and sacrifice, and love has been heroic. They also are a part of our village, as the other two sets of friends. When Amanda said she was going to take over the t-shirts, I again had no idea of the time and passion that she was going to pour into this.
To the heroic best friends who sent a ten thousand dollar check in the mail, we are speeches, so completely overwhelmed, and genuinely so thankful.
All of these friends have supported us on too many accounts to list, and I don't think they want it all posted here for the world to see. They have rallied, given financially and on so many different levels, prayed with us, cried with us, and loved on us with the true heart of Jesus. "Dear friends, we love you and we see all of what you are doing and although I know I'm not expressing all that my heart is feeling please know that Sam and I are astounded, blown away, and forever thankful. Please know that we cherish each one of you. Please know that we thank Jesus every day for the gift of your friendship."
But the village doesn't end there as it includes so many of you. And to all of you I also say that Sam and I SEE the hundreds of ways that hundreds of you are tangibly loving on and supporting our family. I don't even know how to begin to thank all of you. For every person/family (all 94 of you), who have financially given to our family we are eternally grateful. For every single meal or treats that have been dropped off, we are eternally grateful. For every load of laundry, we are eternally grateful. For every Costco run, we are eternally grateful. For every car pick up or drop off, we are eternally grateful. For every gift given to Jax, we are eternally grateful. For every book mark made and sold, we are eternally grateful. For every gift card given, we are eternally grateful. For every tangibly gift of love and support, we are eternally grateful. For every Lynden Door fundraiser by Shannon and Marissa (and whoever else), we are eternally grateful. For the garage sale that someone is doing, we are eternally grateful. For the the huge check we just received from a local foundation, we are eternally grateful. For every kind word given whether through words, a text, a message, we are eternally grateful.
And to my best friend Carrie who lives close to Children's and who keeps showing up in so many different ways and who is supporting me on so many different levels, I am eternally thankful for all that you are sacrificially doing dear friend to support us.
And to our Aimee who gives sacrificially every day she is with our family. She's our childcare provider but is so much more than that and truly is an extension of our family. She's our family, she's our friend, she's our every day tangible support, she's one of our biggest cheerleaders, she's our village. Thank you for loving us all so tangibly and so well. Thank you for everything you do to support us. You truly are heroic is the way that you so sacrificially support and love us. We adore you and love you. Thank you for everything that you do just because, we are eternally grateful.
I feel like I haven't thanked any of you, whether best friend, close friend, friend, stranger, none of you. I feel a lot like I'm walking around in a zombie stage. Like a deer in the head light, or whatever that saying is. So whether I've thanked you or not please know that Sam and I are soooo sooooo thankful for what you are doing, what you've done, or for some of you, what you will do in the future. We are completely blown away!! Please know that every act of kindness is not going unnoticed. We just can't seem to get our act together to even at times say thank you, never mind an official thank you. But we soooo appreciate it and appreciate all of you. We know so many of you have given sacrificially, and we are so humbled and over whelmed by this. And although we might not have said an audible thank you, know that our hearts are crying it.
We honestly are finding strength through each one of you, through every act of kindness. Your kindness is helping us to continue to press forward in this journey which on our own is unbearable.
And to all of you who are praying, we are eternally thankful. We need every prayer uttered. We praise Jesus for every prayer uttered. We are counting on every prayer uttered. Tears. Thank you praying village. Please keep praying.
Thank you village, you are all part of a beautiful story that God is writing where He is using each one of you to be the literal hands and feet of Jesus to us.
💙 Maria
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