This Thursday is Jax's last scheduled chemotherapy treatment. Pause. "This Thursday is Jax's last scheduled chemotherapy treatment!!" Pause again. "Ya'll, this Thursday is Jax's last scheduled chemotherapy treatment!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Did you hear me DECLARE this amazing and incredible truth!!!!! The gravity of this is HUGE!!!!!!!!! Jax is scheduled for his last round of spinal Chemo this Thursday at 11:50 AM. He once again will be put under for this procedure, the doctors simultaneously testing his spinal fluid for cancer.
We have been on this cancer journey for ONE AND A HALF YEAR, us bringing Jax (and Jewlia) home from China in June of 2015. I have to admit that the last year and a half feels much longer, as the intensity of chemotherapy is quite literally all time consuming, especially for a little jewel whose body has fought for so long. I have to admit, that my heart is very aware of that there are so many precious jewels still on this journey, who are out there still fighting. Jax has quite literally been on his cancer journey for THREE years. Our Jax jewel is three years old, he has essentially fought cancer his entire life. This is not lost on my heart, all that my baby jewel has had to endure. Tears and more tears from this mamma who loves her sweet son so much.
Saying yes to these two precious jewels took us on a journey that we never expected. Yes, we knew in April of 2015 that Jax's cancer had once again returned, but yet we still didn't expect everything to happen that has happened. Honestly, I didn't think that God would call us to be Jax's parents and not immediately heal the cancer in his body. I really thought that because of God's good nature, He would heal Jax and not make Jax go through more chemo, and not make our kids go through the unbearable of what cancer and chemo brings, and me too. I didn't think that God who is a good God would have a plan for my life that involved calling me to walk out cancer and chemotherapy, on top of everything else He had already called me to, mainly our SEVEN other jewels (many with special needs). I simultaneously didn't realize the following truths that have profoundly changed who I am.
I didn't realize the GOODNESS of God that I would experience first hand in the MIDST of cancer. This has renewed my faith.
I didn't realize the extend of which my God would go through to be excessively faithful in the MIDST of cancer. This has renewed my faith.
I didn't realize the depth of which my Dad would show me that He loved me in the MIDST of cancer. This has renewed my faith.
I didn't realize that cancer would strip me of everything I held dear, yet that in the MIDST of being totally alone and stripped that my Jesus would carry me. This has renewed my faith.
I didn't realize the countless excessively good miracles my Father would do in the MIDST of cancer. This has renewed my faith.
I didn't realize the sacredness of life that would be revealed to my heart, that can only happen in the MIDST of coming face to face with death. This has renewed my faith.
I didn't realize that our loving God does not "make plans" for us to have cancer, and in the MIDST of walking out cancer my eyes have been opened up to this truth that God really only wants good things for His children. This has renewed my faith.
I didn't realize that our good God wants to give healing to everyone, yet in walking out cancer I have come to understand first hand that there is a mystery surrounding that none of us can theologically explain away. I have come to believe that the mystery of why things happen can only be explained by a good and loving God, on the other side of eternity. This has renewed my faith.
I didn't realize that when God spoke prophetically in 2014 through the song Amazing Grace to tell me about Jax and Jewlia, that the lines "I once was blind but now I see," would be about my own spiritual journey so interwoven with the journey of a new son who would walk out cancer and become blind, him and I both learning to see the world in an entire different way. I didn't realize that my own spiritual blindness would be lifted in the MIDST of cancer. This has renewed my faith.
As this journey comes to an end and we start a new year (there still being monthly MRI's and spinal taps to test for cancer starting next month, there being regular tests for cancer for five years), I've been asking my Jesus to renew me. As we begin another brand new year, I've been asking my Jesus to give me a prophetic word for the year. The word I keep hearing Him say is "strength." I hear my Jesus saying that in Him He is going to make me strong again. The verse He is bringing to my mind is, "those that wait upon the Lord, WILL renew their STRENGTH." I believe that 2017 is going to be a year about strength. I honestly can't wait to see all that my Jesus is going to do. I'm expecting Him to do great things!!!! What about you? Where are you at? Are you expecting our Jesus to do great things in 2017?
I'm also asking my Jesus for a renewed FAITH for me, my hubby, and my jewels. This is especially my prayer for our nine jewels who have been through so so so much. Yes, they need the Holy Spirit to heal them from the trauma from the last year and a half, but simultaneously they need the Holy Spirit to renew their faith. They are little people, and somehow they have to find a way to process all that has happened. I believe this can only happen with he Holy Spirit renewing their faith.
I remember last May having to tell them that Jax's cancer had spread outside of his eyes. I remember their tears, and I remember mine as Sam and I shared this devastating news. I remember wanting to hold them all and never let go. Instead I had to let go and entrust them to my Jesus, as I would not be able to be physically present to nurture them as I had to be present with Jax as he fought and fought, going through treatment after treatment two and a half hours away from home. Our prayer from day one was that if we had to walk out what we had to, that our "God would draw us closer to each other and to Himself."
He more than answered this prayer. He did more than what we even asked for, and more than what we imagined. Now my prayer for my family is the Holy Spirit would renew our strength and renew our faith. That through Him He would make us strong, again. That we would move from surviving, to thriving again.
Yet this last year and a half has shown me that I want my thriving and that of my family, to resemble that of the Apostle Paul and the New Testament Church who gave their EVERYTHING to God, who considered their life nothing. Paul and the Christians of the early church lived a life, that in comparison to our North American life, looked radically different. They imitated the life of Christ and devoted everything of themselves and all of what was theirs for the purpose of testifying the good news of God's grace. They lived a life of being completely sold out for Jesus. They lived a life of radical poured out love for everyone with any kind of need, spiritual, physical, medical, and emotional. And in the midst of walking out their life, they sought out the Holy Spirit at every corner, and with every step. And Jesus did more than what they asked or imagined. He radically met them. He radically healed. He radically moved ... This was the example that was laid for us His bride, His church.
Please keep the amazing staff at Seattle Children's Oncology in your prayers as they continue to every day helping so many jewels walk out cancer. Please pray for our Jax as he has his last scheduled round of any type of chemotherapy this Thursday. Please pray that God would continue the healing miracle He performed, and that He would forever keep cancer away from Jax.
Please celebrate and praise with us, for all that our God has done throughout the last year and a half.
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